Arm out. Chest in.

It's 2:47am. Good news is, the PICC is out of my arm (hooray!), bad news is (only temporary bad news), my chest port hurts like a bitch. The procedure itself, went very well. Bless you Dr. Patel for being so good with me (and giving me enough drugs to not know what was happening). Now that the drugs have worn off, I can barely move. They made a "nick" (is the word they used), in my neck in addition to the port hole. Judging by the pain, I think "nick" is downplaying the cut they made. I am thankful for my T3's (thank you Tylenol for your superior product), because they told me it wouldn't hurt, but it sure does. Are they lying to me? or have I been lying to myself all of these years, and I don't actually have a "high" pain tolerance? These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night. Good news about the chest port, I will be able to shower unassisted (thank you to my partner for his assistance thus far), and I will even be able to take baths (I love baths!). This Thursday, they will use my new chest port to give me chemo...this will also hurt apparently (I say it all the time, and i'll say it again - I HATE PAIN). I will continue taking T3's every 4 hours, and pray that my liver doesn't shrivel up to the size of a raisin. Oh! A nurse today (before my procedure) asked me if I am always this "upbeat". Although, I was terrified, I always go in there with a smile and try to make the nurses feel appreciated. I witnessed an older man verbally abuse them in front of me today (because he can't use a "fucking urinal")...I feel so bad for what they have to put up with. If I can make their lives a little less stressful, even for one day, I will do what I can. It's hard to remain "upbeat" in this situation, but you have to try not to bring others down. Instead, give them energy and encouragement, so that they can actually help you. Not sure why I'm rambling, but it's past 3am now, so I will try to go back to sleep.