I haven't forgotten about you...I hope you haven't forgotten about me. I'm still dealing with this shit. My therapist tells me I need to get comfortable with uncertainty. She said that having cancer is like having a full time job. You are at the mercy of everyone telling you where to be, and what time to be there. You have no choice. I imagine this will go on for a long time, so I better get used to it. I just had an MRI and there is a residual polyp, and the doctors are not unanimous on how to proceed. I just keep having to do more and more tests (and more and more awful prep)... and I just want them to do it all at once. While you're in there anyways, take it out at that time? Doesn't that sound efficient? Well, I keep getting booked in several different times for the same thing. There must be a method to the madness, but come on!!? I can't really make any long term plans (longer than a week or two out), and then I have to always be prepared that I might have to cancel last minute. I wish I could just say "I'll be there! Let's book it!", but I never know when I'll be summoned to an appointment, or have to prep for an appointment, or if I'll have to recover from an appointment. Maybe that's a thing of the past. I will have to live like this for a while, so I am trying my best to say no to things (even though I would love to be there), and trying to only make short term plans. I want to get to the place, where I won't have to think about planning my life around the cancer. I just want to live and be free!
ACD
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