One of my favourite Taylor Swift songs is called "out of the woods". So, every time I think of this cancer journey, I keep thinking of the lyrics "are we out of the woods yet? are we out of the woods yet? are we out of the woods? are we in the clear yet? are we in the clear yet? are we in the clear yet, in the clear yet?". It's really catchy...you have to listen to it. Although, she's singing about her romantic relationship, I just keep wondering if I'm out of the woods yet/clear of cancer. The good news- there is no evidence of disease that they detected from all of my tests. I am so relieved and happy. I want this fear of recurrence to go away. Will I ever be truly out out of the woods? I hope so. As the weather starts to change, I start to think about the familiar feeling of being "sick". It was this time last year that I had no idea what I would be going through. I remember the feeling of being cold, nauseous, tired, drained, and I'm starting to get these flashbacks of that time. This time of year is a trigger for me, and I didn't realize that I would have these feelings as soon as the weather started to change a week ago. Certain smells, weather/temperature, certain items of clothing, and food smells all bring back that trauma. I explained to my friend, how when I put on a pair of fuzzy socks the other day, I felt nauseous because I wore these socks when I was sick. She said that it might help to get new socks, so I don't have that negative association when I put them on. I think that would actually help. I don't think enough time has passed where I can confidently say that I am out of the woods, and that I won't be triggered by something as simple as temperature change or a faint smell. I hope this will pass, and I can't wait to be in the clear.
ACD
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