Some good news.

Let me start off by saying that I had a full on meltdown in front of the doctor yesterday. I think it was a combination of relief, gratitude, and terrifying anxiety. I know that doesn't make sense, but i'll explain. The good news, is that he cancelled my last cycle of chemo scheduled on December 24th! I only need to do chemo tomorrow and then i'm done!!! Well, for now. I was so happy, I told him I loved him and that was really the best news I've had in forever. I'll take it!! I get to move onto the next phase of treatment- which is what I've been waiting for. Chemo pills + radiation (ok, maybe I don't know much or anything about chemo pills, but it sounds not as bad, right?). I heard about radiation and that it was considered a "breeze" compared to intravenous chemo. I was "excited" for radiation (if that's the case). Then I started thinking of these chemo pills, and then I started to get uneasy. There isn't much info about this online that I can find. No one that I've spoken to, has gone through chemo pills. So now I'm starting to get freaked out a bit. The plan is 5 weeks of this - I hope I can handle it. The next step is surgery. Ok, got that. Then, he says we might have to do more intravenous chemo after that. WAIT. HOLD ON. NOOOOOOO.....Now the terror sets in. I thought I was done with this. I can't do anymore. I start bawling my eyes out (poor man..he was trying to console me). We came to an agreement that we will talk about it when the time comes, but I can only hope that when they do the surgery, they get it all out, and I won't have to do anymore chemo. So, on one hand, I'm super happy. On the other hand, I can't even imagine doing more chemo. I thought I was done. Now, there's nothing left to do but hope. ...and wait. I'm thankful that I get a break after tomorrow's nuclear attack on my body. I just have to hope, and focus on that for now.