The grudge.

I'll admit, I am one of the biggest grudge holders in the world. When I was in elementary school, I got picked on A LOT. I think I remember it starting when I got diagnosed with diabetes (age 9), and then continuing until age 13. Finally, when I got to high school, I found my forever friends (who are still some of my closest friends to this day), but up until that, those years were really tough on me. I got picked on for various things, that still affect me to this day. I still remember the names of the girls who picked on me and made me feel like I didn't want to live in this world anymore. I left elementary school with hate in my heart, and revenge on my mind. What goes around, comes around, right? That's what I'll never know. As time passes, you think that you've let go of this grudge, but every time you think about it, you still have hate. I read somewhere recently, that this grudge will kill you. Not letting go of these negative feelings (and still feeling vengeful), may have lead me to where I am today. Maybe not forgiving these people for hurting me so many years ago, has lead to my cancer. As much as it pains me to think about what happened to me, I need to try to let it go, and allow forgiveness in my heart. This is going to take a lot of therapy, but this hate and revenge isn't good for me. Like Elsa sings "let it go", I will try my hardest to forgive, and move on. I will be forever changed by what happened to me, but maybe that's what's made me who I am today (*insert "scary clown face emoji"). I hope this forgiveness thing works...even as I'm writing about this, I feel so much stress and anxiety (and I know what it's doing to my body).